When your parents argue, it can feel scary.
You may feel sad.
You may feel worried.
&
You may even wonder if the argument is your fault.
It is not your fault.
Adults can disagree for many reasons. Their problems are not your job to fix.
You are allowed to have feelings about what is happening.
Why Do Parents Argue?
Parents may argue about many things.
They may be worried about money.
They may be stressed about work.
&
They may disagree about something at home.
Sometimes adults get angry or upset with each other.
Their argument is between them.
You did not cause it.
You do not have to fix it.
&
You do not have to pick a side.
How Might I Feel?
You may have many feelings when your parents argue.
Might feel sad.
Might feel scared.
You might feel angry.
Might feel confused.
You may worry about what will happen next.
All of these feelings are okay.
There is no wrong way to feel.
What Can I Do During an Argument?
First, think about yourself.
Go somewhere you feel safe.
Take slow breaths.
Listen to music.
Read a book.
Draw a picture.
Write about how you feel.
Hold a favorite stuffed animal.
You can also move away from the argument.
It is okay to give adults space.
What Can I Tell Myself?
Sometimes it helps to remind yourself of things that are true.
This is not my fault.
Such as I am still loved.
I am important.
I do not have to solve this.
&
I can ask for help.
Say these words quietly to yourself when you feel worried.
Who Can I Talk To?
You do not have to keep your feelings inside.
Talk to an adult you trust.
You might talk to a grandparent.
Talk to another family member.
Tell a teacher.
You could talk to a school counselor.
&
You might also talk to a coach or another adult who makes you feel safe.
Tell them what is happening and how it makes you feel.
What Can I Say?
You do not need perfect words.
You can say:
“I feel scared when you argue.”
“I need a break.”
“I’m feeling worried.”
“Can I talk to you?”
“I need some quiet time.”
It is okay to speak up about how you feel.
Remember: It Is Not Your Job to Fix It
Children sometimes feel like they need to make everyone happy again.
That is not your job.
You are the child.
The adults are responsible for solving adult problems.
You can love both parents.
You do not have to choose a side.
&
You can care about them and still feel upset when they argue.
If You Feel Unsafe
An argument should never make you feel like you are in danger.
If you feel unsafe, find a trusted adult right away.
Go somewhere safe if you can.
Tell someone what is happening.
If there is an emergency, call 911.
You deserve to feel safe.
Take Care of You
When things at home feel hard, remember what matters most.
You did not cause the argument.
You do not have to stop it.
&
You do not have to choose sides.
Your feelings matter.
You can talk to someone.
Ask for help.
You are important.
You are loved.
&
You deserve to feel safe.
And adult problems are never yours to carry alone.
