Losing a firefighter to suicide can affect an entire department.
You may lose a coworker, friend, mentor, or someone who felt like family. The loss can bring deep grief. It can also bring guilt, anger, shock, and many unanswered questions.
There is no right way to grieve.
You lost one of your own. You do not have to carry that loss alone.
When the Loss Hits
Grief after suicide can feel different from other loss.
At first, you may feel numb. You may have trouble believing the death is real. Later, strong emotions may come and go.
You may feel:
- Shock or disbelief
- Deep sadness
- Anger
- Guilt
- Confusion
- Emotional numbness
- Trouble sleeping
- Physical exhaustion
- Loss of appetite
- A need to understand why
You may feel several of these at once.
That is okay.
The Questions Can Be Hard
After a suicide, people often look back.
You may ask yourself if you missed a sign. May wonder if you should have called, checked in, or said something different.
You may think, “Could I have done more?”
These questions can become painful.
Try not to face them alone. Talk with someone you trust. A peer, counselor, chaplain, or support team can help you work through them.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Firefighters are trained to respond, act, and help.
Grief is different.
You cannot solve it like an emergency scene. There is no checklist that makes the pain disappear.
Give yourself permission to feel what comes.
Some days may be harder than others. Grief has no set timeline.
Lean on Your Brotherhood and Sisterhood
Your fire service family can be an important source of support.
Talk about the firefighter you lost. Share stories. Remember the good calls, the laughs, and the life they lived.
Check on one another.
Sometimes you do not need the perfect words. Sitting beside someone can be enough.
No firefighter should have to grieve alone.
Honor Their Memory
Suicide does not erase a person’s life.
Remember who they were beyond the way they died.
Honor their service. Tell their stories. Celebrate the lives they touched.
Departments may also choose to create a memorial, hold an annual event, support suicide prevention, or find another meaningful way to remember them.
Take Care of Yourself
Grief can affect both your mind and body.
Try to eat. Drink water. Sleep when you can. Move your body. Take time away when you need it.
Also, pay attention to how you are coping.
Alcohol or other unhealthy coping methods may numb pain for a short time, but they can make grief harder to manage.
Small acts of care matter.
Peer Support Can Help
Another firefighter may understand parts of this loss that others cannot.
Peer support can provide a safe place to talk. In addition, a trained mental health provider can help with grief, trauma, guilt, or other emotions after a suicide.
You can use both.
Getting help does not mean you are weak.
It means the loss matters, and so do you.
Finding Meaning After Loss
Healing does not mean forgetting.
Over time, some people find ways to turn grief into purpose.
You may support another firefighter who is struggling. Speak more openly about mental health. You may help change the culture in your department.
You may simply become the person who checks in.
There is no pressure to create meaning from loss. However, if purpose comes, it can become part of healing.
One Day at a Time
There may always be days when you miss them.
A smell, station, call, song, anniversary, or memory may bring the grief back.
When that happens, give yourself grace.
Reach out. Talk about them. Take care of yourself.
Most of all, remember that you still matter.
We remember those we lost. Honor their lives. We support those who remain. Together, we heal one day at a time.
