Safe vs. unsafe secrets can be hard for children to understand. Some secrets are fun. Others can make a child feel scared, worried, or confused.
Teaching the difference can help children know when to speak up.
Children should know one thing from the start:
You can always tell a trusted adult when something does not feel right.
What Is a Safe Secret?
A safe secret usually feels good.
For example, it may be a surprise party or a gift. The secret is not meant to hurt or scare anyone. Also, it will usually be shared soon.
Safe secrets may make a child feel happy or excited.
They should not cause fear.
They should never make a child feel trapped.
What Is an Unsafe Secret?
An unsafe secret feels different.
It may make a child feel sad, scared, worried, or confused.
Someone may tell the child that they must never tell anyone. The secret may also involve touching, threats, harm, or something that feels wrong.
Children need to know they can speak up.
They are not doing anything wrong by telling.
Help Kids Trust Their Feelings
Children may not always have the words to explain what is wrong.
Therefore, teach them to notice how they feel.
Does the secret make them feel happy?
Does it make them feel scared?
Does their stomach hurt when they think about it?
Do they feel like they need help?
These feelings can be important clues.
If something feels wrong, they can tell someone they trust.
Teach the Three Steps
Simple steps are easier for children to remember.
First, recognize the feeling. If something feels wrong, pay attention to it.
Next, reach out. Tell a trusted adult what happened.
Then, get help.
Most of all, children should know they can keep telling until someone helps them.
Who Can a Child Tell?
A trusted adult may be a parent or caregiver.
It may also be a teacher, school counselor, school staff member, police officer, or another safe adult.
Children should have more than one trusted person they can talk to.
If the first person does not help, tell someone else.
Keep telling until someone listens and helps.
Talking About Secrets Does Not Get You in Trouble
Children may stay quiet because they are afraid.
Someone may have told them they will get in trouble if they speak up.
Adults can help by making the message clear.
You will not be in trouble for asking for help.
You can talk about anything that makes you feel unsafe.
You deserve to be heard.
LCH-Spark Helps Children Learn About Safety
LCH-Spark gives young children simple tools for emotional wellness, safety, confidence, and healthy choices.
Topics such as safe vs. unsafe secrets help children learn how to notice their feelings and speak up when they need help.
The goal is not to scare children.
Instead, the goal is to give them simple words and clear choices.
Children deserve to feel safe.
They deserve adults who listen.
And they deserve to know that asking for help is always okay.
Be kind. Be brave. Be you.
